ten months left of the One Year of No Dating challenge.
4 pounds lighter as of today.
3 months of summer ahead of me.
2 pounds to go until my next weight loss milestone.
1 year until i graduate from college.
0 dollars of credit card debt.
and final grades are up:
2 A’s. 2 B’s. 1 C.
not the best i’ve ever done, but exponentially better than i expected for this semester.
grateful to my Father in Heaven for
loving me dying for me blessing me teaching me and everything in between.
“Everyone has to leave. And I will say that when I do leave, it’s not because I see something better or anything like that. It’s just that it’s time. When I do leave, it will be the hardest thing. This is my seventh year, and I mean, that’s my family, it’s my heart, it’s New York, to me. But you know, you have to leave things that you love.”
HERO.
(via wiigz)
it’s been almost a year since the last time i heard this song.
it was supposed to be the song i would walk down the aisle to. the song that would mark the beginning of my new life with the person i loved most in the world.
everything is different now. i no longer dream constantly about the biggest day of my life. i am not planning my future with another person. i am not in love any more.
i thought it would hurt to listen to it. that i would cry and feel sad and probably a little angry.
but thing is, the song is still beautiful. it still makes me feel something inside my soul.
now it reminds that i was young and in love and full of hope.
i can remember putting this song on and walking toward him, as if practicing would make any difference at all. i remember the look on his face the first time he heard it. seeing the way he looked at me with tears streaming down my face at the thought of us actually being married one day.
this song is an important memory for me. i will always love the way the chords sound on the piano, so simple and soft and sweet.
and i feel hopeful. i will find another song one day with the person that God has for me. the thought of how beautiful that song will be makes me want to cry. but instead i will pray and thank God that i didn’t settle for what i thought was best.
praise Him.
these last few weeks have left me feeling like a failure.
school is something i love and take pride in being good at.
i should be getting A’s in all of my classes.
but this semester’s report card will have 2 C’s on it.
C. the letter that comes right before D.
i felt embarrassed and ashamed to tell my friends (friends who happen to be doing well in their classes. friends who don’t get C’s.)
and then i felt guilty for thinking my friends wouldn’t understand.
turns out these smart friends of mine are also ridiculously kind and supportive. they have reminded me that i am not a failure and that it will get better. they are praying for me. i am so blessed.
i am asking God to take the shame away and to strengthen me so that i can finish the last week and a half of this semester.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
plans that are much bigger than two C’s.
